Insecure Thoughts
by Danny'sGhostGirl
Summary: It's at times like these that Mokuba blames himself for all the things his brother ever went through...


**DGG: Hello there. I have returned with a random new Yu-Gi-Oh! story. This is just a little one-shot I thought of one day while at school about how Mokuba may feel at times. We all feel insecure at times.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of it's characters. I'm simply writing for fun.**

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He yelled at me again. It isn't the first time it's happened. I'm sure it won't be the last either. But every time it happens it always takes me off-guard. And why shouldn't it? It doesn't happen very often. He's not usually angry with me.

But then again maybe he should be…

That thought – that horrible thought – always seems to drift into my mind. I can't help it. Maybe if you had been through all the awful things my brother and I have been thought, then just maybe you'd have that same terrible thought too. Everyone knows that Seto looks out for me, that he takes care of me. And everyone knows that he'd do anything for me. And they see me by his side – the faithful little brother. I don't think anyone truly understands us though. They know we care about each other, but they don't get why. They look at me and wonder how such a nice kid could have such a cruel, cold older brother. How could such a happy kid care for someone so heartless?

No, they don't understand our bond. No one knows what we've been though. They don't know what Seto's been though. And no one knows – not even Seto – that if I could I would change everything so that my big brother could smile again even if that means I would have never been in the picture…

And that leads me back to my awful thoughts. You see, my big brother is the way he is because of me. It's all my fault. It's my fault he doesn't smile anymore. It's at times like this after he yells at me that I think about how I started off the chain reaction that led to him being this person.

Don't get me wrong. I love my big brother. I admire him. I like that he's a take-charge kind of person. He's very outspoken, and he's probably the smartest person I'll ever know. But he always had those qualities. They were there when we were little. No, it's the cold, untrusting, pessimistic part of him that's my fault.

You see, I'm the reason our mother's dead. She died while giving birth to me. And I know she must have meant a lot to Seto. I'll never forget the one and only time I saw my brother shed a tear. I don't recall too many things from before our real dad died, but I remember this clearly. I was three, which means Seto was nine, and I walked into the front room to find Seto looking at an old family portrait from before I was born. He was staring at our mom; I know he was. I watched as he gripped the frame tightly, and that's when I saw a lone tear trickle down his cheek.

That's one of my first memories. Even back then it was odd for my brother to show his emotions. And if my brother cried just by looking at an old picture, then I know she must have been very important to him.

There's no doubt in my mind that the happiest my brother had ever been was before I was born. How could he not have been? He had a loving mother and father. After I came along, our dad turned into a basket case and frequently turned to drinking, which meant at the age of six my brother had to grow up in order for there to be someone to truly take care of me. Four years later, my brother was forced to grow up even more when our dad died in a car accident. After that we really were all alone, and he had to take care of me all by himself.

While at the orphanage, he promised that he'd always take care of me. And he never broke that promise. If I was being picked on, Seto came to my rescue. If I was hungry, he'd give me the rest of his food. If I was scared, he'd let me nestle under the blankets with him. And when someone wanted to adopt him, he refused to go unless they adopted me too.

At the time I was grateful for that, and I still am because I don't know what I'd do without him, but at the same time I feel ashamed. Looking back on it now I almost wish he would have gone with one of those other families and just left me behind. None of those families could ever have been as terrible as Gozaburo.

Seto tricked him into adopting us while he was making a donation at the orphanage. I already had a bad feeling about that man, but Seto was set and determined to get us both out of that orphanage and have better lives. Mainly he wanted to make sure that I would have a home, and be well taken care of. And then our descent into Hell began.

From day one Gozaburo treated us like scum. He worked my brother day and night to train him to be the perfect heir to his company. He barely let my brother sleep! He had to work constantly on insanely hard problems all the time. Everything had to be completely perfect or else our step-father would punish my brother.

That man did anything imaginable to us. He abused us both physically and emotionally. He whipped us, he beat us. He gave us physical and emotional scars. If we did something wrong, you could expect some form of terrible punishment. My brother received the brunt of all the blows, and I know he has the most scars. I have some too, but luckily Gozaburo didn't pay too much attention to me. For awhile, in order to get Seto to do whatever he wanted, he would beat me in front of him, or at least threaten to do so. And despite the pain I felt from those awful beatings, I could tell it hurt Seto more to see me like that. Seto would even offer to step in and take my beatings for me, and Gozaburo happily obliged. With this, he had my brother completely under his control. He could make Seto do anything this way. But my brother had to protect me from him. He couldn't allow that man to hurt me. But he did. More than Seto knows.

Gozaburo was the one who first planted the idea in my head that Seto would have been better off without me. I argued with him that that wasn't true, but he insisted that he was correct. That Seto didn't need me and that I was the one who needed him. He told me all the time that I was just in his way, that if I wasn't around, Seto would have nothing to worry about. I didn't believe him then, but once I realized how much Seto had changed, that's when all these thoughts really hit me. That everything was my fault.

Because of me our mom is dead. Because of me my brother got us adopted by the most abusive man on the planet. In order to protect me from him, he took the most beatings, which helped cause him to be so mistrusting of people. He let Gozaburo beat into him that you can trust no one, that others will only slow you down, that emotions show weakness. Seto doesn't smile anymore, and I can only blame myself for it.

My brother isn't truly happy anymore. Because of Gozaburo, he only wants to prove he's the best. He proved it to our step-dad by stealing his company out from under him, and Gozaburo committed suicide because of that. After Seto converted the company to gaming, his main concern was showing the rest of the world that no one was better than him. As the CEO of a gaming company, he had to make appearances in all sorts of gaming tournaments, and he would win all of them no matter what game it was. Duel monsters obviously became his favorite game. He was the world champ until Yugi came along. Now it's his mission to defeat Yugi. But he isn't happy. I know he isn't. He gains a sense of pride from knowing he's the top dog, but he isn't actually happy.

If he was happy, he would smile, which is a rare occurrence. I like to think that I can make him happy, but he rarely smiles for me anymore. I love my big brother. He's done so much for me when I highly doubt I deserved any of it. Things could have been so different for him. If there is such a thing as alternate universes, then maybe somewhere out there he is happy. Maybe he still has our birth parents, and doesn't know the pain of child abuse. I want my brother to be happy now though. And I would do anything for that to happen.

I know he cares. If he didn't, then he wouldn't try to rescue me when others attempt to hurt me or kidnap me. He still stands up for me. Sometimes – at times like this, actually – I wonder if he does actually care, or if he just feels like it's his duty to look out for me. But that's crazy. Of course he cares! He's my brother! I'm the only one he'll talk to like I'm an equal. He doesn't normally talk down to me like he will to everyone else.

But he gets so stressed out. And I just want to help. But it was one of those rare times when he yelled at me. I don't think he means to, but it still makes me think about how all this started when I was born. I wonder if he does think about that. I wonder if he ever thinks that his life would have been better without me. How couldn't he?

See? Gozaburo was right. I'm the one who needs Seto; he doesn't need me. Maybe I was a mistake. I want to be wrong. I want Gozaburo to be wrong, but how can he be? Seto should probably resent me. I broke our family apart. He refuses to talk about our parents. I know nothing about our mom at all, and I only remember certain bits and pieces about our dad. We're where we are today because I ripped our family apart.

I wish Seto could be happy again. I wish he could smile again, but he has so much to not smile about, that I can hardly blame him for not doing so. I love my brother, and I appreciate everything he's done for me. But I don't see how he could even think of loving me when I was the catalyst for all the bad things that ever happened to him. I hope I can make up for it someday. I just hate when he yells at me. I'd make this all better if I could. But I don't think I can…

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**DGG: Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review!**


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